10 Things People Like But I Don't

In the dark old days when I had a Twitter account, I saw a tweet by Carl Reader. Carl named ten things other people like but he didn't.

That got me thinking.

What ten things do I think people like but I would run away from?

Theatre

I am 6' 1", and that means I have long legs. I don't know who designed theatres, but they must have assumed small people like to watch plays.

From the cheap seats, you can't see the actors' faces. You miss their expressions and their hard work. After an hour you have an interval, which means hundreds of people rush out to buy drinks and go to the toilet. All in fifteen minutes.

But I appreciate the workout from standing up and down to allow other customers to take their seats.

Poetry

The longest night of my life was at a Patrick Kavanagh appreciation evening. I didn't know what to expect, other than the usual theatre ordeal above. But no, we had two drunk characters on stage having an alcoholic discussion in old Ireland. If I wanted to see a few drunks chatting, I could find any number of bars in Belfast for free.

After the play, another actor came on stage and read poems for what seemed like an eternity.

I find poetry tedious and overrated. Here's an example I created in a few minutes:

O crispy gold of autumn's fall, run circles in the breeze,
Children play among your glory, crisp underfoot.
The cold and rain will reclaim your flavour,
The seasons show no mercy, but they give you colour.

Nuts sprinkled on desserts

I love nuts. I love desserts. But not at the same time.

It has taken me years to stop ordering dessert at the end of meal out. My waistline and trousers appreciate it.

But today at lunchtime I gave in. The cafe had a beautiful looking white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake.

Lush.

One thing I wish it had was a layer of nuts. That way I would have resisted the indulgence. Nuts are savoury. They are meant for halloween and nibbles at the bar.

Noisy bars

Being an introvert, I make an extra effort to be sociable.

Before COVID, I said yes to any invites to visit the trendy bars in Belfast's Cathedral Quarter. Invites from people I know, of course.

But when I'm in a noisy bar, I can't hear a bloody thing people say.

The night out includes a few pints, trips to the loo, and nodding in agreement to everything people say. My hope is that I'm not agreeing to something immoral or a money loan.

Local sports

Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton are at the top of their game. World champion Formula One drivers. International sport is a kind of champions versus champions scenario.

By comparison, the local sport in my own little country seems abysmal.

Local sports personalities appear on the news, but I've never heard of them and will never hear of them in future.

It's all down to size. For example, England has 57 million people to choose from. Northern Ireland has 1.9 million, most of whom are children or elderly. We don't have a Manchester United, we have Lisburn Distillery.

I know this might be controversial given the Olympics and Northern Ireland’s total of seven medals, including four golds. They'll have fifteen minutes of fame and then vanish.

Spicy food

This one shouldn't be on the list. I do like spicy food, but it doesn't like me. When I was overweight, spicy food triggered an urgent need for a toilet. Thanks to a diet, that is no longer a problem.

Never one to take significant risks, I still avoid curry and spicy Asian food when dining out more than five miles from home.

Better safe than sorry.

Daniel Craig's 007

Sean was the first. George was a fab second who should have done more. Roger saved the franchise in the 1970s with panache. Timothy brought a new edge, and Pierce brought all the above. Daniel brought?

Let me think.

Sweat? Head smashing on toilets?

Not one gadget. Barely any franchise symbols and not one bloody joke.

I have watched the classics over and over. I remember watching Octopussy when I still lived with my parents. I could tell everyone what the next actor was going to say. It was annoying.

I watched No Time To Die at home, but after some spicy food.

Flavoured coffee

Taste buds are strange. I love chocolate and nuts, but put them together, and yuck.

Similarly, I'm addicted to coffee and adore lashings of maple syrup on French toast. But maple syrup in coffee is a sin.

During the fall of 2008, I was on holiday in New England. In a small town in the heart of the maple syrup region, I thought I'd try some local syrup in my coffee.

I had to avoid sugar for the rest of the holiday for fear of diabetes.

Buying new shoes

They say opposites attract, and nothing could be a better example than my wife and me. Rita loves trying on new clothes, browsing, and checking out the latest trends.

I'd rather spend two hours reading poetry.

I loathe trying on clothes so much that it's why I still wear clothes that are ten years old.

New shoes are the worst.

I despise the process. In the shop, take off your shoes. You have clean socks. The floor is dirty. Then, wait for the assistant to bring the other shoe to try on. After that, walk up and down the shop to see how the new pair feels. They feel ok, but not when you get them home.

Mingling at parties

I don't like theatre, poetry, nutty desserts, or noisy bars. I also dislike local sports, spicy food, Daniel Craig, flavoured coffee, and new shoes. So, I'm sure you won't be surprised that chatting at social gatherings is hard for me.

You'll find me in the kitchen at parties. It's close to the food. If you're busy eating, you won't have to think of something to say.

So what about you?

Thanks for reading. If you found this story helpful, please consider buying me a coffee. It would mean so much. 😊